My Love
by CeeCee15
Summary: It's during Eclipse. When Bella asks Jacob to kiss him she realizes she has made a huge mistake. When she goes back to the tent she realizes that this might not be able to be fixed with just an I'm sorry. Can Bella save their relationship before it is too late?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Bella's POV**

I jumped awake startled when I heard the tent open. I looked over and saw Edward's beautiful form enter. My heart swelled with overwhelming guilt and happiness at seeing him. He is my soul mate, the love of my life, and the only person that I will ever love.

But when he looked over at me the guilt I was trying to tame replaced every emotion in my heart. His eyes showed me that he was in pain, endless pain. I felt my heart constrict at the sight of his pain. No angel should ever feel pain and insecure.

"Edward I" I whimpered. It probably tortured him to see me in the arms of his enemies. He placed his fingers on my mouth to silence me. He gave me a weak smile that didn't meet his eyes. His eyes portayed sadness and torment. Edward's haunted expression will forever be engrained in my head. I will never forget such an expression.

I gave him a small smile in return and motioned for him to assist me out of Jacob's hold. He nodded with a mishievous glint in his eyes. Before I knew it he kicked Jacob in the leg with astounding force causing him to free me from his hold.

"Hey what the hell is your problem man?" Jacob roared. I saw him start to shake violently. I gasped silently having a gut that Jacob was going to lose control. I whirled towards Edward and glared at him.

"That wasn't very nice. You should apologize to Jacob." I said in a firm voice. I wasn't messing around.

He stared at me shocked and baffled. "Apologize! He was suffocating you for God's sake."

I shook my head and looked at him as if I was his mother. "I said you are going to apologize to Jacob NOW!"

I felt a growl emanate through his chest. He looked at Jacob reluctantly. "My apologies dog. I hope you can forgive." He said through his teeth.

I could tell he was extremely angry with me. Jacob scoffed. "Yeah whatever. I'm going outside to check on the pack."

The fear I felt for Jacob doubled. I put my hand out trying to get him to stay with me. I couldn't have him away from me. He had to stay here so he wouldn't get hurt. "Jacob please don't go."

He shook his head and released a frustrated sigh. "Give it a rest Bells. Look into my eyes and see how much a care." With that he left the tent. I stared at him shocked, confused, and hurt.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and turned to Edward with a bright smile. He smiled a smile that seemed to be forced to me. "I'm really sorry about last night. That wasn't fair to you." I said sincerely. I hope he wasn't too upset about this. There was nothing to worry about.

"It didn't make it on my top ten nights at all." He mumbled.

I perked up about hearing about his top ten lists. I wondered what they were. "You have a list?"

He nodded with a small smile. "Yes I do. All of my best nights came after I met you."

And cue the blush. Edward is so sweet. It's one of the reasons why I love him. "Will you tell me your top favorite night then?"

That picked up his spirits. His eyes brightened considerably which made me incredibly happy. "My top favorite would be when you agreed to marry me."

I held back on the grimace that wanted to make its way to the surface.

_Marriage what a revolting word._

Edward though could see right through me. He sighed and looked away from me. In his topaz irises I could see his pain. It pained me to see him in pain especially because I am the cause of that pain.

"Well if it makes you feel any better my favorite night is when you agreed to change me." I said lhappily trying to lighten up the tense atmosphere.

He rolled his eyes and muttered under his breathe. It was far too low for my human ears to pick up. "Why don't we go outside to get some fresh air?"

I nodded and we headed outside hand in hand. We stood there for a few moments staring in our significant other's eyes. I smiled just looking at him. He was so perfect. His topaz eyes that revealed his love and adoration for me. His unique bronze hair that looked like he went through a live wire. And his perfect and gorgeous body that made my knees weak just looking at it.

He reached behind him and brought out my engagement ring. I looked at him baffled. I didn't think he would carry such a precious item with him. "I carry your ring with me wherever I go Mrs. Cullen." He said my name with such love and happiness it made me even more determined to make him happy.

I looked inside of the box and saw the most beautiful and amazing engagement ring that was once worn by Mrs. Masen herself. The ring dazzled in the light. I fell in love with that ring when I first saw it and I continued to fall in love with it every time I look at it.

"I would like to wear my engagement ring please." I said sincerely. I wanted to wear it. I wanted it to remain on my left hand for the rest of eternity.

My inner thoughts were cut off when I heard Jacob's astonished voice. "You're marrying him."

I stared at him scared. I was so scared of his reaction. My gaze then traveled over to Edward who seemed a bit smug. "You knew he was listening. How could you?"

"I'm outta here." Jacob said before leaving. My legs began moving on their own accord.

Edward grabbed my arm. "Bella wait. Just let him go." I stared at him aghast. I couldn't believe my ears.

"Don't touch me! Just stay here. You've done enough damage." I screamed out seriously. It was true. He had hurt Jacob for no apparent reason.

I pulled my arm out of his grip and booked it after Jacob. I wasn't going to let him do something he would regret. I found him standing on the edge of the cliff staring out into space. "Jacob please wait."

He looked at me with such hate in his eyes it made me cringe. "I'm done. I am so done Bella."

"Wait what do you mean?" I said panicked. He could mean anything with his words. What did he mean by that?

"I give up. I can't win against your bloodsucker. Why don't I just get out of your way so you can marry that leech?" With every word he spoke I felt my panic and fear increase. I was still incredibly confused.

"Why don't I just kill myself to make things more convenient for you?" I then realized what he was saying. I began hyperventilating. I couldn't live without my best friend. My son who brightened my darkened world when Edward left.

I had to do something. I couldn't let him go through with this. "Jacob kiss me." I said desperate.

He froze and stared at me with an emotion I couldn't place. His neutral expression turned into a sneer. "You don't mean that?"

I screamed out hoping he would see the truth in my words. "No Jacob I want you to kiss me. I want this." And in that moment something happened. Something within my heart ignited into a flame. Jake walked toward me slowly while looking into my eyes. He was making sure I wanted this as much as he did.

He reached me and grabbed my face softly. As he leaned in I found myself leaning in with my heart pounding so loudly I think Jake could hear it. I shivered in anticipation.

When his lips met mine for the first time I felt my body disconnect with my mind. I was kissing him back. I made sounds that I've never made before. I found myself wanting more. He kissed me with such love and I found myself pressing up against him. I never wanted it to end.

Pleasure bloomed from my body when he slipped his tongue in. I was euphoric. This felt so good. As I was kissing him I realized I was wrong. For the longest time I had been lying to myself. I was in love with Jacob Black.

After a few minutes in bliss I felt him pull back. Our breaths were hard and fast. I pouted when the kiss ended. I wanted more. He smiled fondly at my response and leaned in for one more.

This kiss was sweet and short. It was nothing compared to the heated kiss we shared just moments ago. He leaned into my ear and whispered, "That should have been our first kiss."

I nodded and leaned into hug him. We shared a smile before he said he had to go fight. I shook my head to protest. He could get hurt. I could lose him. He smiled and kissed me once again before he transformed and left for the clearing.

My content smile vanished as soon as I looked at the pathway toward the tent. Edward! How could I do this to him? How could I betray him like this when I had agreed to become his wife days before. Tears burned my eyes. I couldn't move.

My legs didn't want to move forward. I was so scared. But I knew I had to. I couldn't stay here forever no matter how much I wanted to. .

_Baby steps Bella. You can do this. Bring one foot forward. Good now the other._

I walked at a turtle's pace. I couldn't go any faster than that. I was so scared of Edward's reaction. I found myself hyperventilating at thinking about how furious and upset Edward was. I felt so guilty because I liked the kiss. I wanted more. I couldn't believe myself. I am such a horrible person.

Finally, after about 10 minutes of walking at a snail's pace I made it back to the tent. I saw Edward in the exact spot I left him looking at me. He watched me with wary eyes.

I froze in my spot when I looked into his eyes.

Pain

Searing Pain

And I was the cause of that.

He didn't mask it like he normally did. He left it there for everyone to see. Me especially. Tears streamed down my face at an alarming rate. I couldn't control them. I rushed over to him and embraced him in my version of a bone crushing hug. I sobbed out 'I'm sorry Edward so sorry'. I prayed that if I said this enough that he would forgive me.

I felt his arms push me away. I sobbed even harder because of his action. I pushed back trying to get back to him. He shook his head at me and started to walk back to the tent. I crumpled to the ground.

I lost him. I've lost him. I hurt him so much. I took him for granted and now I've lost him. I cried harder than I ever had before. I couldn't wrap my head around the situation.

I'm such a horrible person. In less than a second he had the tent put up and he was back at my side. "Eddwaard I am sssoo sorry. Please forgive me." I could barely breathe let alone talk. My heart was constricting in pain and guilt. I was such a selfish person. I took both of those amazing men for granted.

He laughed humorlessly. "You think I'm going to forgive you after you kissed a man that you said you only had brotherly feelings for."

I shook at the malice in his voice. "Edward you have to understand. That kiss meant nothing. I just did it so I could save Ja."

"DON'T EVEN SAY HIS NAME!" He roared. "HOW DARE YOU CONTINUE TO LIE TO ME? HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT I AM A MIND READER AND THAT I COULD SEE YOU THROUGH JACOB'S EYES? I COULD SEE YOUR EVERY RESPONSE."

I lowered my head in shame. He was right. Even after everything I did I was still trying to defend Jacob. I saw Edward take in a deep breathe. "I didn't need to hear from his mind your moans. I could hear them all the way from here. I could see your every response from that _boy _who wants me dead."

"Please what can I do to earn your forgiveness? I love you. I want to marry. Please just tell me what I can do." I begged. I couldn't lose him. He was all that I had.

He snorted in disgust. "If you really loved me then you wouldn't have asked him to kiss you in the first place. You wouldn't be pining after him like the slut you are."

My eyes widened. I couldn't believe what he had just said to me. "Edward he was trying to kill himself."

He burst out laughing. "You think he was just going to kill himself to clear the path for us. Really Bella, how stupid are you?"

My jaw dropped at this confession. I shook my head at this. Jacob wouldn't do that would he? Once again he shook his head and started walking toward the forest.

I panicked and followed him. I couldn't let him go. Not now. I had to make this right between us. "Please just give me another chance." I begged with tears rolling down my face.

He didn't say anything else nor did he look at me. He kept looking forward. I didn't say anything either. I didn't want him to be angrier than he already was. We got to the clearing where everyone was throwing bodies in the fire. Edward didn't spare me a second glance before he went off to help the others.

That stung. That hurt a lot.

The wolves were already dispersing and going back home so it was just the Cullen clan and I. By the looks everyone was giving I would say they knew what had happened on the mountain.

When they had finished their business they everyone except Carlisle and Esme left. They didn't speak a word to me as they dropped me off at home. They just nodded and told me to get out and then just sped away.

As I watched them drive away I came to a conclusion.

I had just ruined my life.

**Hey guys this will be a one shot unless you want me to continue with the story. Please Review.**


	2. Chapter 2

My Love

**Chapter 2: Bella's POV**

As I watched Carlisle and Esme drive away I came to a very painful conclusion.

I had just ruined my life.

I will never be the same.

Edward will never forgive me.

I will go to college, find work, and live my life all alone.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. It felt as if someone tore my heart out of my body and kidnapped it. I would never get my heart back. It will forever stay in the clutches of my one and only soul mate. When I stared into Esme's normally light and loving eyes, what I saw chilled me to the bone.

Pure hatred

Pure hatred pointed at me and me alone.

In this entire ordeal I not only hurt Edward but his whole family. They love Edward so much and are willing to do anything for him. He had been alone for decades, waiting for the right man or woman. He had given me his whole heart, mind, soul, and most of all trust. Edward along with his family entrusted his trust to me and what do I do in return? I ruin what we had. I completely stomped on his heart and gave it back to him without a second thought.

Still looking into the darkness of the forest I felt tears burn my eyes. I willed myself to get inside into the safe haven of my room before I started balling. There was no reason for Charlie to get involved with his cheating daughter. But as hard as I tried all of my efforts went down the drain. Tears leaked my eyes like a waterfall. I couldn't control them. All of my hurt, self-hatred, frustration, and sadness came out of my body in waves. I couldn't hold myself up. I crumpled in a heap on the ground and didn't attempt to get back up. Foreign sounds made their way out of my throat and into this god awful world. Their volumes increased with every tear that streamed down my horrible face.

I cried for the hurt I caused Edward.

I cried for the hurt I caused Jacob.

I sobbed for the pain I caused everyone.

Everyone I have ever touched, loved, or held onto was in pain because of what I thought were noble acts. I thought I was doing the right thing by kissing Jacob but that only enhanced my, sadly to say, feelings for him. I was selfish thinking I could keep both of _my _men in my world. My wails increased volume at my selfishness. I am such a horrible person. I should have gone with my gut and let one of them go, but do to my greed I held onto them with all of my strength, determined not to let go. I wanted to keep my best friend, who I thought I only had brotherly feelings for, and my love Edward.

But now I see, finally when the answer has been sitting in front of my face for a long time, that I need to let one of them go. Once and for all I had to choose the man that I wanted to live with as my husband, as my soul mate, and untie the other one from my hold.

My sobs decreased to mere sniffling and a few tears that would run down my face occasionally. I finally got the strength and the courage to head inside my house knowing Jacob would be there ready to talk as soon as I entered the room.

I felt a headache coming full force. As much as I love Jacob I know I have to let him go. I can't let him continue pine after a woman who has already met her life, her future. It was so selfish of me to let this continue even though I knew he had feelings for me. I should have been adamant with my decision not run back to him every time he used his sad puppy dog face to make me feel sorry for him.

I needed to tell Jake goodbye once and for all and stick with my choice. I know I am going to hurt him with this but there is nothing I could do to take that pain away. But in the long run someday he will find his imprint and see how happy he is with her. I know Charlie is going to be furious with me for choosing Edward, but it's not his decision. All my father has ever wanted was for me to marry Jake, raise his kids, and never leave this small town. But that isn't the life I want to lead. It wouldn't be my first choice.

In that moment all I wanted to do was get back into Edward's arms and apologize over and over to gain his forgiveness. No, not wanted, needed. I needed to be in Edward's arms again. I had to tell him how much he means to me and that yes I love Jacob but I love him more. He had to know that. And what if he can't forgive me? What if I don't have a shot at earning his love and trust back? Well that's an easy one. I'll continue my life wishing I had a do-over day. I'll never be with a man and be as happy as I was with Edward.

If it was his wish for me to leave and never come back then I would leave and honor his command. I would owe him that and so much more.

I have to get back to Edward. I need him.

With new defined determination, I walked into my house ready to let him go. I entered the living room and no shocker there Jacob Black was in the room. For a split second I felt guilt for the hurt I was about to cause him. Even though I love Edward with all of my being there is a small part that belongs to Jacob. A small part of my heart loves Jacob but that part will never be fulfilled. I wouldn't grow no matter how long Jake and I are together. The spark would forever remain small always coming up short in what I truly need. It would forever be the size of my thumb, never growing, yet, never shrinking.

When Jacob's eyes landed on me his eye's brightened up like a kid on Christmas day and Charlie smiled fondly at him. He was happy to see that Jacob was happy. Dad never even took the time to see if I was happy. All he ever cared about was keeping me here in this pathetic little town as Jake's wife and mother of his children.

At Jake's happiness to see me, I cringed internally knowing what I was about to do would break his heart. He would probably try to manipulate my emotions and say how I was hurting him but I can't think about his feelings anymore. I had to think about what was right for me.

The right thing for me was to become Edward's wife, Mrs. Isabella Cullen.

Edward Anthony Masen Cullen was my future not Jacob Black.

And he never will be no matter how hard he tries.

Jake's strong hands and booming voice brought me out of my rant. "Bella I was so worried about you. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you from that bloodsucker but I had to fight the newborns. I've been waiting for you for this moment for a long time my love. Now we can be together now that you have discovered your feelings for me and have accepted them. Now back to Edward, did he hurt you? If he hurt a hair on your body then I will kill him with my bare hands. I won't let him hurt you again." Jake spoke quietly on the parts about Edward being a vampire so Charlie wouldn't here. I felt my anger and resentment rise when he spoke of Edward so casually as if he's known him his whole life and has seen the shady things he's done. I hated myself for allowing Jake to belittle Edward without yelling at him or showing him that I meant what I said about him calling Edward those vile names.

This was just one of the ways I failed as a girlfriend.

A pathetic growl made its way out of my mouth. I hated how Jake talked about Edward. I wouldn't tolerate it, not for another second. "Jake I swear to god I will hit you if you don't stop calling Edward those rude names." I spoke loudly to get my point across. "Let me make this clear there is no _we._ What happened on the mountain was a mistake. Yes, it made me recognize my feelings for you, but it also made me realize that I need to let you go. This thing we have going on is over Jacob. We will never be together. I'm sorry this is going to hurt you but I _will not_ allow your manipulations to interfere with my relationship with Edward." I was practically yelling. I hoped to God that Jake was processing the information I was giving him. I need him to understand the concept and move on with his life.

"Jake we aren't meant for each other. I love you. I truly do but our love won't last forever. I'm not the girl for you Jacob. The sooner you realize that the better off we'll both be. I'm so sorry that I kissed you back Jake. I honestly am, but our kiss isn't going to change anything. I have to do what is right for me and me alone. And the right thing for me to do is to go to Edward and apologize profusely and hopefully marry him. Please, for me, understand that this is what I need to do and find the girl of your dreams because I am not her Jacob nor have I ever." I finished in the softest tone I could manage hoping to get through to him. I need him to understand.

His eyes that were one bright and happy were now dark and furious. He gripped my arms angrily. Jacob's grip was so tight I think he's going to shatter my arm. He shook me roughly as if I was the crazy one. "WHAT! BELLA YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS! I WILL NOT LET YOU GO. DID HE PUT YOU UP TO THIS? IS HE FORCING YOU TO GO WITH HIM? BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WOULD NEVER HURT ME LIKE THIS! YOU WOULDN'T! I WON'T LET HIM WIN! YOU ARE MINE AND YOU ARE THE ONLY GIRL FOR ME! HE CAN GO TO HELL FOR ALL I CARE!" He was screaming at the top of his lungs. I heard the windows shake with the amount of sound waves that he emanated throughout the tiny living room. I cringed at his rage but that fear turned into anger. I was only a prize to him! One thing Isabella is not, a trophy. I am not some prize that Jake will categorize me in.

I was seething. Almost spitting. "Jacob Black is that all I am to you? A trophy? Well that right there my friend shows that you don't love me. You don't care for me. This isn't a fucking game Jake. My life is not some game you can control whenever you want. I am sorry that I am hurting you with this. I really am, but I can't do this anymore. This is my choice and my choice alone. You will NOT tell me what I can and can't do! I am going to finish high school and then marry Edward like I was supposed to. Then I am going leave this pathetic excuse for a town and explore the world with Edward bound to my side as my husband. I won't let you, Charlie, or Billy tell me what is right for me. I used to let you, used to care, but now I will not. I am an adult and I will be treated like one. As an adult I can make my own decision without you or Charlie influencing them. You will not control me Jacob Black! The sooner you get that idea out of your head the sooner you can move on and find your soul mate!" I was breathing heavily by the time I finished my speech. Everything I said was true. I am an adult, even though I haven't been acting like one. I will make this decision without them breathing down my neck and grounding me because I am making the wrong decision in their eyes.

Silence followed immediately after my rant. I looked around and saw my father staring at me shocked along with Jacob. They never expected me to fight back on their plan to keep me here. Well news flash for you guys I am _not_ going to allow you to stand in the way of my future. Not for another second.

Charlie's shock wore off before Jake's. "Wait what do you mean that Jacob isn't your soul mate? Of course he is. You have known him for your entire life. He loves you and will never hurt you. And what do you mean about me influencing your decisions? I've stuck by you through everything?" He exclaimed a little angrily.

"YOU have stuck by me in all of my decisions? GIVE ME A BREAK DAD! All you have ever done is push me toward Jacob and never listening to a word I had to say. When I came back home from Italy all you did was guilt trip me. You would always pout and whine when I didn't go to Jacob and if I did you were practically glowing. But, however, when Edward stepped on our property you turned cold and you were always sulking like a child who didn't get a cookie out of the cookie jar. You need to grow up and accept my choice. And you want to know what my choice is dad? It is _not _to be with Jacob or is it to stay in this god awful town you love so much. MY decision is to be bound to Edward in marriage and to live with him forever as my soul mate. And before you start throwing your temper tantrum I am going to marry Edward whether you give us your blessing or not I will marry Edward Cullen! So make your decision so I can go be with Edward." I exclaimed furious. I wasn't going to take his crap. Not tonight or not any other night.

Charlie didn't hesitate to start fighting against my choice. "WHAT! NO WAY YOUNG LADY. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE MARRYING THAT DISGRACE OF A BOY. I WON'T ALLOW THIS! YOU ARE GROUNDED ISABELLA! GO UP TO YOUR ROOM!"

No fucking way. I took a deep breath and stared at him deep in the eyes, showing him I meant business. "Charlie must I remind you that I am eighteen years old? That makes me a legal adult if you didn't know. Being eighteen gives me the right to make my own judgments without your input. Now, I don't give a shit what you want. I AM GOING TO MARRY EDWARD WHETHER I HAVE YOU THERE OR NOT. I love him dad and I want to be with him. He has been nothing but loving and caring for me. He asked me to marry him over the weekend when you thought I was with Alice. And obviously I said yes. Your wants and needs will not steer me off my path to MY future. I am an adult and I deserve to be treated like one father." I said extremely calm all while looking at him dead in the eyes.

Charlie's face could rival Rosalie's blood red pumps. "_You _an adult please. Adults must make sacrifices in life. Adults work hard so they can have the life they want themselves and their children to lead. Have you ever made any sacrifices in your life? I think not. You're making a mistake and I'm not going to watch you ruin your life. So why don't you save both of us some trouble and go to your room." He said this too calmly. He thought I would back down as if what he was saying finally got through to me. Well daddy dearest think again.

"I am not an adult? I haven't made sacrifices in life? Cut the shit dad! All my life I've been an adult. I'm not making a mistake. If I am not mistaken you and mom were together at my age." I was as angry as a pitbull. How dare he say that I haven't made sacrifices? I've made more sacrifices than children should have to make.

"What have you sacrificed? You are young and naïve you know nothing about the adult life!" He exploded.

"Oh you don't know what I've sacrificed? Well let me inform you father. Starting from the day I went to kindergarten I was cooking so mom wouldn't burn the house down. When she did thought of stupid activities to do, like skydiving for example, I had to be the one to pick up the pieces and convince her out of her ridiculous schemes. Whenever mom didn't pay the bills I gave up _my_ allowance to help pay the bills. Whenever my mother didn't want to clean the house I would do it without her discouraging me not to do it. And then, I had to make the biggest change of all. I had to come down here so Renee could be happy with her boyfriend. When I came here I thought I would get a break from being an adult and a parent and be able to read without the house burning down or anything like that, but boy was I wrong. I basically did everything I did with mom. I cleaned up your crap; made you fucking food because you are so incapable to do it yourself, did your laundry and so much more. I have been taking care of two children all my life and you know what I can't wait until I leave Forks, Washington because then I can have the freedom of going to college and caring about me and what I need. So don't even go there about sacrifices. You, Charlie Swan, have not sacrificed crap. All you did was push your shit on me and expect me to do it." I took two deep calming breaths hoping to relieve some of the tension inside me. I looked down at seeing dad's expression. He looked so guilty and upset at what I just told him.

I saw his mouth open and close a couple times, trying to converse with me, but no sounds came out. I shook my head and looked back up at him. "I didn't say that to hurt you but it's the truth dad. I have never been a child. I was born middle aged, ready to take on the responsibility of a parent. Listen dad I really hope you give us your blessing, but your childish behavior is not going to change anything. I love you dad, but my loyalties belong with Edward. He is my life, where my home lies. Now I am going to go back to the Cullen's and hope to God that Edward forgives me for my mistakes." I whispered the end part. It was true though. My heart and soul belongs with Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. And they always will.

I walked up to dad and wrapped my arms around his bulky form. Tears welled up in my eyes. This could be goodbye if things don't change. "I love you daddy. You will always be my number one man but you have to let me go. I need to live the life I want to live. And I am sorry to say but the life I want to lead is not in Forks with you and Jake. Please accept this. I need you to be there on my wedding day. I need you to let me go daddy." _If he has the chance to officially let me go. _

"I'm sorry Bells, but I can't watch you make the same mistake your mom and I made. I can't give my baby girl away. Please forgive me." He pleaded pushing me away both physically and emotionally.

That did it. Tears leaked from my eyes. I turned away from my father and went upstairs to my room. I would gather a few bags and spend the night at a hotel or in my truck. I knew that the Cullen's wouldn't let me in no matter the situation. They hated me. As I reached the top step _his voice_ stopped me. "Bells where are you going? We still have a lot to talk about." I turned around and lord and behold Jacob was there, once again trying to stop me from living my life to the fullest.

I wasn't going to back down from this. I was going to make him understand once and for all that I am not his property nor will I ever be. "I am going to gather my bag and head out. I will be sleeping in a hotel or in my truck for the night. We have nothing to talk about. There is NO US NOR WILL THERE EVER BE! Now does that answer all of your questions Mr. Black because I would like to get out of here?"

He just stared at me speechless and I took that as my cue to continue on my way to my room. I got out my suitcase and my toiletry bag and grabbed what I needed. Before I left my room I grabbed my pillow and my blanket. Once I finished packing I scurried down the stairs. I noticed that Jacob wasn't anywhere to be seen but at this point I felt nothing in me care about his disappearance. I said goodbye to a mute Charlie and went out to my truck. I had no idea where I would go but I had to get away for the weekend. I had to think about what I was going to do. I had to go into my 'Get Edward Back' plan with a clear head.

But when I got into the car, I realized the closest hotel was three hours away in Port Angeles. Dang it! I banged my head on the steering wheel and decided to screw it. I would drive for a little while and then park on the side of the road and go to sleep, all the while hoping I don't get kidnapped or murdered. I brought my old grandpa truck to life and began to drive out of the town. I wasn't going to drive for three hours straight obviously but I just wanted to drive long enough so I could remove some of this tension inside of me. Part of me hoped that Alice would see me, have sympathy for me, and take me to a hotel or hopefully Edward's room.

_Huh! Why did I have to mess my life up this bad? _

About an hour later I felt my eyes start to drop so I parked the truck on the side of the road. I looked around making sure no one was around, not that I would see them since it was pitch black outside and I was well outside Fork's perimeter. I climbed into the backseat of the truck, and got out my pillow and my blanket. As soon as my head hit the pillow I succumbed in a deep and stressful slumber.

**Early Morning:**

_Mmmm! This feels so good. I am cocooned in a warm and fluffy blanket that feels like heaven on my skin and the mattress is amazing. So soft and warm. I could stay here forever. But was the backseat to my truck ever this comfortable? Oh my god! I am not in my truck!_

My eyes burst open and with lightning speed I sat up in a sitting position defensively. How could I not have known that someone kidnapped me? Was I really that dense? Don't answer that one. But as I looked around the room it looked so familiar to me as if I had been here in the past. There were a wall of shelves filled with music all aligned perfect with a state of the art music stereo.

I looked down at the bed and my eyes widened.

Gold sheets

The expensive stereo

The hundreds of cd's all lined in an orderly fashion

I wasn't kidnapped. I wasn't going to be killed or raped while being in this room. My heart pounded within my chest. I couldn't believe it. I was really here! My prayers had been answered. I was in Edward's room! I was here in the Cullen's household. Oh my god, god had mercy on me. He's willing to give me another chance to save the love and trust Edward and I shared.

I was in Edward's room and when I looked at the doorway I froze in my spot.

I realized I wasn't alone in the room. I gasped at who was in the room with me.


	3. Chapter 3

My Love

**Chapter 3: Edward's POV**

"Kiss me Jake." _My _Bella said pleadingly, but at the same time I heard some hope in that one statement. She wanted him to kiss her. I had a heart wrenching feeling that as soon as his lips touched hers it would all be over. My worst fears would come to life.

"You're bluffing Bella." Jacob's loud thoughts shook with anticipation. He couldn't wait to have his lips on Bella. He could clearly see, as well as I, the desire that was welled up in her milk chocolate orbs. Bella's eyes were swollen with unshed tears. She was breathing heavily like her favorite candy store was about to go out of business. It burned my heart to see such an emotion in her eyes. She wanted this. She couldn't wait for Jacob.

Bella shook her head vigorously. She wasn't about to give up on her goal. "No Jacob _I _want you to kiss. I want this." She said this all with such confidence. She didn't stutter like she did when she was nervous, her face didn't turn red with embarrassment. No, Bella looked him directly in the eyes, waiting for him. She wasn't about to back down from her latest conquest. The new and improved Isabella Swan was not going to crack. She was dead serious.

I could hear her heart all the way from here. It was beating so fast and so loudly that I was certain China could hear it. He grasped her face softly, while watching her face. He wanted to make sure she wasn't playing some kind of game. The puppy needed to make sure Bella wanted this as much as he did. In that moment I wanted to cry, as Jacob leaned in Bella leaned in too! Their eyes closed and Bella's lips met his willingly.

_I can't believe this is happening. This is too good to be true._ Damn Jacob Black! He was such a child. Broadcasting his thoughts so I couldn't block them or run from them. He purposely kept his eyes cracked so I could see Bella's face. It broke my heart at the sight.

She was in complete bliss. She didn't want to leave Jacob's embrace nor did she want to end Jacob's searing kiss. _Are you watching us Edward? Can you see how she's pressing herself up against me wanting more? Her moans are so soft and beautiful. Her tongue tastes so good. Can you feel the delectable sound of her heartbeat? Can you hear our united breathing bloodsucker? She's not moaning or breathing for you anymore leach. She's broadcasting these sounds because of me and only me. Why don't you crawl up a tree and die so Bella and I can live in peace?_

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to see for myself. I had to see for my own eyes if she was really enjoying herself. I ran at vampire speed and froze like a dear caught in the head lights. It was true. Due to the angle I was in I could see their bodies, their responses to each other clearly. My Bella was participating in a hot and sensual kiss. Her tongue was wrapped around his and her body was embraced with his. I wanted to throw up at the sight, walk away from it, but I couldn't leave the very spot. I could only stare as they continued to kiss as if they knew I was there. I feel as if they are mocking me as we speak.

I wanted to crumble. I wanted to fall to the ground and end my existence. From the way Bella was responding to Mr. Puppy I can now say with convection that Isabella Marie Swan is in love with Jacob Black. They are in love with each other.

Did I not do enough for her? Did I not shower her with love during every second of the day? Did I fail at all of the teachings my biological mother taught me before I fell ill? What did I do wrong? I kissed the ground she walked on every day. I made sure she knew every second of the day that I loved and adored her. Even when we returned from Italy I made sure she knew that I would cherish her forever. I told her every single day upon my return that I loved her. Did I misread her emotions? Did I do something to offend her? Was she hurt so badly when I left her that she got emotionally close to Jacob? Did my departure force her heart to fall in love with Jacob?

Was she ever even in love with me?

What did I do wrong?

If I was a human I would be on the ground sobbing my little heart out.

My breathing escalated to the point, to a human's point of view, of hyperventilation. I couldn't take in the necessary breaths, not that I needed to. I just felt like I did. It had been three minutes since they started their kiss. I couldn't take anymore when she gave out a satisfied moan. Very slowly I turned around and walked back to the tent. Before I let them out of my sight I looked back at Bella enjoying herself and said the four little words for the last time.

"I love you Bella."

When I reached our campsite, Seth walked up to me with sadness in his eyes. _I'm so sorry Edward. I'm here for you if you ever want to talk. I'm so sorry for what Jacob did. I hope someday you can move on from this Edward. If she begs for your forgivness don't let her have it right away. Make her sweat a little bit. Force her to work for your love and trust again. I mean it buddy, if you ever want to talk you know where to find me. _I smiled while shaking my head. Seth is an amazing friend. Yes, he wants to see Jacob happy but at the same time he's angry that Jacob would stoop so low to claim Bella as his. Seth, no matter the situation will always have optimistic thoughts. Whenever times are bad, I love to listen to the real thoughts with kindness. I patted his head and he scurried off somewhere saying that he will be respectful and give Bella and I our privacy when she returns.

Finally! Fucking finally! Now what are you going to do? Go at it like rabbits on the ground?

They_ finally _finished their _loving_ kiss. I realized that I had been blocking Jacob's thoughts since Seth came along. They leaned away from each other and guess what she does? _Bella pouts because she wants more!_ I am so pissed off. It amazed me at how quickly I flipped the switch and showed other emotions instead of pathetic fucking sadness. I am tired of being sad.

You know when I said that Isabella Swan was an interesting woman. I meant it. She is such a fucking interesting woman it makes me want to kill myself. You know just a few days ago she agreed to become my wife without a fuss. If she didn't want to get married then she should have told me. That damn bitch. I asked her. I asked her everyday upon our return from Italy if she loved him and she would always get extremely defensive and say, "Edward how many times do I have to tell you? I love you and only you! You need to trust me!"

Yeah I trusted you fucking Bella and look where that got me. Got to watch you French kiss a puppy you said you only had brotherly feelings for. That was SUCH a joy to watch (_Cue the fucking sarcasm). _God I should have just stayed in Alaska and dated Tanya for Christ's sake. I knew Isabella Marie would be trouble the minute I met her, I just didn't think it would be this bad.

And cue the pain once again.

Her soft footsteps broke me out of my internal rant. I felt my rage along with my life changing pain increase to the point of insanity. I was literally shaking with fury. If I was an anime character steam would be making its way out of my ears and into the atmosphere. I could feel the ground beneath me shaking slightly. That is how hard I was shaking, I was so angry.

I could hear her soft yet deep breaths from where I stood. I could smell her salty tears. For the first time since we started dating I didn't care that she was hurting. I didn't care that tears stained her skin. I didn't care. All I cared about was one person, me. She hurt me and I wasn't going to allow her to damage me anymore. I buried the anger and brought all of the pain, jealousy, frustration, etc. into my eyes. I won't hold back. For far too long I held back so then _Bella Swan _wouldn't get hurt, but no longer. From now on I will show her every emotion I feel. I won't hold back for her sake.

I watched her as she finally emerged from the clearing's path. She walked at a turtle's pace. As I watched her I noticed she was shaking with fear, watching me, waiting for me to react. I kept all of my negative emotions glued to my face. She has never seen any other emotion on my face except love, and devotion. I never showed all of my emotions in fear of hurting someone who I _thought loved me._

But all of those times when I held back would be no more. I would show her all of my emotions and let her feel the pain and guilt for hurting me days after she agreed to be my wife and days after she told me Jacob was only a _BROTHER _to her! What Bullshit!

As soon as she looked into my eyes all hell broke loose. Bella sprinted towards me and embraced me in a hug, all while crying out "I love you Edward. I'm so sorry." I obviously didn't return her hug in fear that I would let small portion of love that I still have for her consume all other emotions and make me forget about what happened. No way Bella! I am not going to forgive you ever! You can go back to Jacob for all I care.

I couldn't bear having her in my arms. The puppy's smell completely hid her floral scent that I had loved the second I laid eyes on her. His fucking smell burned my nostrils. I didn't want to hold her so in the end tell me that she did it to make herself feel better. I placed my hands on her arms and roughly pushed her away from me. It completely disgusted me to have her in my arms.

Without a second glance I turned away from her and took down the tent. The fight was ending right now. As I turned away from her I heard her wails grow louder, it took all of my willpower not to go back to her and take her pain and suffering away. Time after time she took me for granted, made those vile facial expressions concerning the topic of marriage, and kissed Jacob as if he was her life's savior, and I still looked out for her happiness and safety. I think I always will.

I faintly shook my head and pushed out those feelings of love, care, and adoration for Bella and let the anger consume me. I had to show her once and for all that I wasn't going to forgive her for cheating on me with a simple apology. If she wanted to get back together with me she was going to have to earn it.

In mere seconds I had the tent taken down. Before I turned to face her I steeled myself for the ugly conversation about to come to life. I took my time walking back to her. Make her sweat for a few seconds. "Edddward III'm ssoo sorry! Please find it in your heart to forgive me." Bella could barely talk. She was crying so hard. At the sound of her heart broken tone it took everything in me to not take her into my arms and tell her I forgive her. I still couldn't stand the fact that she was in pain even though it's not because of me, it's because of her own actions and mistakes.

Anger burned within my soul. Once again it completely took over the need to hold her. I laughed humorlessly. If she thinks one mere apology is going to work on me she has another thing coming. "You think I'm going to forgive you after one little apology Bella? You think I'm going to forgive you after you kissed a man that you said you only had brotherly feelings for?" At that last sentence I felt the fury sink into my tone. This is it! I wasn't going to hold back not for her sake, not for anyone's sake!

She shook harder at the anger in my tone. "Edward you have to understand. That kiss meant nothing! I love you and only you! I only did because Ja"

If I was a human the vein in my head would be throbbing. HOW DARE SHE STILL TELL ME SHE LOVED ME WHILE _STILL _DEFENDING PUPPY'S FUCKING ACTIONS! DOES SHE HAVE DOUBLE PERSONALITY OR IS SHE AS STUPID AS SHE IS SHOWING ME?!

"DON'T YOU DARE EVEN SPEAK HIS NAME!" I screamed as loud as I could hoping to knock in some common sense in her. "HOW DARE YOU CONTINUE TO LIE TO ME? HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT I AM A MIND READER, THAT I COULD SEE ALL OF YOUR RESPONSES THROUGH JACOB'S MIND?

By the end of my rant I was fuming. Even when she tells me she loves me Bella still protects her stupid mutt. I'm sick and tired of it. She needs to decide who she wants to be with and stick with that decision. I took in a deep breath to center myself. "I didn't need to hear from his mind your moans Bella; I could hear them all the way from here. I could see and hear all of your responses from that _boy _who wants me dead." I wanted to destroy something or someone, particularly the mutt who stole the love of my life right from under my nose. But on the other hand, all I wanted to do was curl up in Esme's arms and cry for the loss of my heart.

Bella looked up at me pleadingly. "Edward what can I do to earn your forgiveness? I love you! I want to marry you. Please just tell me what I can do to make this right!" She was on the border line of hysterics. She was about to lose it.

I snorted in disgust. She loved me! Haha! What a sick joke! If this situation wasn't so serious I would have probably burst out laughing. "If you really loved me like you say you do you wouldn't have asked him to kiss you in the first place. You wouldn't have been pining after him like the slut you are." She looked at me aghast. I have never at any point in our relationship insulted her. Well, I've never had any reason to verbally abuse her before anyways.

"Edward he was trying to kill himself!" She exclaimed with her eyes wide.

I burst out in hysterical laughter. Bella is an academic prodigy in school, but when it comes to people deceiving and manipulating her emotions she is the most stupid woman I have ever had the chance of knowing. "You think he was going to kill himself so he can clear the path for us? Honestly Bella, how stupid are you?"

Her jaw dropped slightly at this confession. _Are you really that surprised Isabella? That is what Jacob Black has been doing ever since I returned from Italy Bella, manipulating you with his actions and words. Do you still love your puppy? _

I gazed at her for a few more seconds before I shook my head. Her eyes were still trying to deny the fact that Jacob could have done such a thing. Even now after everything she has said to me she is still willing to defend her Jacob.

I can't look at her.

Just looking at her disgusts me to the core.

I start walking back into the forest to reunite with the others. Bella is right behind me, still fucking crying. We walked in dead silence for a few minutes. I didn't look at her. I kept my eyes in front of me staring at nothing.

After a few minutes of silence Bella couldn't handle it anymore. "Please, Edward tell me what I can do to fix this." Her voice shook. Silence was met after she voiced her question. She sighed sadly and for the rest of our walk didn't say a word.

I had a feeling that she could sense my anger, pain and frustration and she didn't want to say anything else to add to my long list of ugly emotions. When we emerged from the forest I was assaulted with their thoughts.

_I'm so sorry Edward. It is going to be ok. We will help you through this brother.-Alice_

_I hate her! I hope you go to hell Isabella Swan!-Rosalie_

_How dare you hurt my baby like that you slut. I thought you loved him! I trusted you with his heart and soul and you destroyed it.-Esme_

_Son I am so sorry. We will all help you get through this. I give you my word son.-Carlisle_

_Man I didn't ever think Bella would stoop so low when she just agreed to marry you. I'm so sorry bro. We will get you through this as a family.-Emmett_

_Brother she seems truly sorry but don't let her worm her way back into your heart. Make her fight for the position of soul mate. I love you Edward like we all do and we will do our very best to help you through this. –Jasper_

I smiled at all of them sadly and without a backwards glance at Bella I went to help the others get rid of all of the bodies. As we worked no one said a word, out loud anyways, for which I was grateful. I did not want to hear their pitiful, sad, and angry tones. I just wanted to finish the task we were assigned to, go home, and cry for the loss of my soul mate. Once finished with the task at hand Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and I went home while Carlisle and Esme took Bella home.

As we ran home my breathing got more extravagant. I couldn't control it. All of the emotions that were pent up inside me wanted to come out to the surface. They wanted out of my body and into the world. I noticed that the others were staring at me worriedly.

_Edward are you ok?-Alice_

_Edward I know it hurts, but we will get you through this brother. - Jasper_

_If that bitch comes anywhere near us I will tear her apart!-Rosalie_

_Dude, you are really scaring me. Are you going to be ok?-Emmett_

I gave them all a pathetic smile, which did not in any way show them I was alright. It only made them worry even more. When we got in the house I flopped down on the couch and put my head in my hands. I am going to hold it together. I have to be strong for my family. I can't let all of these pent up emotions break free!

Esme's loving arms essentially brought me out of my rant to keep it together. She brought my head into her chest and wrapped one of her arms was around my back and the other was in my hair, stroking it softly. "Shsh my baby boy it is alright now. You are in my arms. You don't have to hold in all of those emotions anymore. Let them all out my son."

That was all it took for me to break down in my mother's arms. I sobbed hysterically in Esme's arms. I hurt so badly. I just wanted it all to go away.

I cried for the loss of my love.

I cried for failing as a boyfriend.

I cried for hurting my family like this.

I cried for all of the months Bella would go from my arms to the arms of a person she said she only had friendly feelings for.

I cried because Jacob took her away from me.

I cried for the hurt she caused my family and I.

I don't know how long I sobbed. It could have been hours, days, or weeks. I honestly have no clue. All I know is that I was in Esme's arms for a hell of a time. She never complained. She never stopped stroking my hair or whispering words of comfort in my ear. But finally after what felt like weeks I finally got the strength to weave myself out of mom's arms.

"Edward baby are you alright." Mom asked worriedly. "I've never seen you in so much pain sweetheart." Bless her selfless heart. Bless her. She was and still is always worrying about us. She never stops.

"I'm fine mom. Thank you Esme. I love you so much mom." I said sincerely. I meant every word. She is my mother in every sense of the word.

Her face beamed at the "L" word. She never grew tired of us telling her that we loved her. She cradled my head between her small hands. "I love you to my baby boy." She looked around at the others who were all sitting around the couch like we were five years old. "You all might not be my flesh and blood but I all love you and I would do anything for you. I love you all so much my children."

Every last one of us grinned. Even though we were hundreds of years old we would always take pride when Esme complimented us. Every last one of us choked up, got up, and showered Esme with hugs, kisses, and words of appreciation. When we finished if Esme could cry she would be balling she was smiling so widely and her eyes were so bright.

And for the first time during this entire day I felt happy. Being surrounded by people who love me and care for me brightened my mood considerably. For the rest of the day we sat around the couch in each other's arms and watched movies, played games, and just talked like we used to all those years ago. It felt nice to spend time with my family. I just hope though that the days to come are just as enjoyable.

But with being Edward Anthony Masen Cullen and in love with Isabella Marie Swan, I just might not get my wish.

**By the end of writing that chapter I was so worked up. Can we get up to 10+ reviews please? It would really give me some insparation to continue the story. If I don't update tomorrow then I will update most likely next weekend. **

**Thank you guys and see you next week!**


	4. Author's Note

**Hey guys I was just wondering if my story isn't meeting some of your expectations. You know I came home from school today after a very stressful day and I saw that only 10 people have reviewed my stories. I was hoping that I could start writing a new chapter for you guys but I only have 10 reviews and that really isn't inspiring. In fact due to the bad day I had today I wanted to cry. I really want this story to be a success and the only way it will be a success is if people help me by reviewing. Now under no way shape or form am I demanding reviews. But I have no idea if you guys like the story or if you hate it. Yes seeing views is nice but seeing reviews helps get me in the mood to write good chapters for you guys. **

**The point is, do you guys still like the story or not? Am I doing a good job or not? Should I just delete the story so then I am not wasting your guy's time? I really don't want to but as a writer your reviews will help me continue the story. **

**If you guys want me to continue please talk to me. Please review. Tell me what my strengths are and what my weaknesses are. It would help me greatly. **

**Please take me seriously. I want this to be a success**


	5. Chapter 4

My Love

_Previously:_

_Mmmm! This feels so good. I am cocooned in a warm and fluffy blanket that feels like heaven on my skin and the mattress feels so amazing underneath me. So soft and warm. I could stay here forever. But was the backseat to my truck ever this comfortable? Oh my god! I am not in my truck!_

_My eyes burst open and with lightning speed I sat up in a sitting position defensively. How could I not have known that someone kidnapped me? Was I really that dense? Don't answer that one. But as I looked around the room it looked so familiar to me as if I had been here in the past. There were a wall of shelves filled with music all aligned perfect with a state of the art music stereo. _

_I looked down at the bed and my eyes widened. _

_Gold sheets_

_The expensive stereo_

_The hundreds of cds all lined in an orderly fashion_

_I wasn't kidnapped. I wasn't going to be killed or raped while being in this room. My heart pounded within my chest. I couldn't believe it. I was really here! My prayers had been answered. I was in Edward's room! I was here in the Cullen's household. Oh my god, god had mercy on me. He's willing to give me another chance to save the love and trust that Edward and I shared. _

_I was in Edward's room and when I looked at the doorway I realized I wasn't alone in the room. I gasped at who was in the room with me. _

**Chapter 4: Bella's POV **

Holy Crow! What the hell is _he _doing here? Not that I didn't want him in the same room as me but I didn't think he would feel comfortable with me in his bedroom. I thought he would be disgusted to have me stain his bed with my presence. The atmosphere around us was tense. We had no idea what to say to one another. It saddened me greatly that just a few days ago we were a happy and carefree couple. Back then we were just two teenagers in love with one another, ready to spend the rest of our lives with each other. But now as I looked him over I knew deep within my heart that Edward and I would never be the same. Edward and I would never look at each other with love and happiness but with hate, distrustfully, and with doubt. Edward would probably never trust me enough to get back in a relationship with me. As I stared at him with curious eyes I had a sudden deja vu of the our past.

_Flashback:_

_Oh my god! "Edward what are you doing here?" I asked slightly surprised and slightly disturbed that he was in my room without my knowledge, at night especially. But as I gazed at him, I immediately lost the feeling of surprise and fear. I was dazzled by the sight of Edward Anthony Cullen. He is so beautiful. My heart began to race at thinking about his beauty. His wild auburn hair, his toned body, and beautiful topaz colored eyes that I love so much. _

_His signature smirk appeared on his face. "I came from the window." My eyes widened. I didn't think the gorgeous Edward Cullen would come in the middle of the night to see me! I felt like I was going to have a heart attack, my heart was beating so quickly. I just smiled at him. I didn't need to respond to him. "I like watching you sleep. It's fascinating to me." He gulped as if he was embarrassed. I bet if he could blush, Edward would be bright red. _

_Like before I didn't say anything. There was no need for me to. When he saw that I wasn't scared or disgusted by his actions he smiled widely. And for the rest of the night we just talked about random things. _

_End of Flashback_

As I remembered that particular memory I felt a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. When that memory occurred we were so happy, blissful. I couldn't remember a single time when our love was tainted with anger, frustration, sadness, or jealousy. Back then we were just two teenagers who had fallen in love with each other. Our auras would scream happiness. Whenever we were alone Edward and I could always sit next to each other in a comfortably silence. We were never awkward around each other.

But, now as we stand a mere 30 feet from each other, I have never felt so self-conscious.

The tension and the awkwardness between us could be cut with one slice of a butter knife.

I looked down at my hands, not able to look at him any longer. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to act. I knew I wouldn't be able to be all sunshine and lilies. I couldn't hide behind the truth with a lie. I couldn't hide behind Jacob anymore. I couldn't hope and pray that Edward and the rest of the Cullen's would forget that this whole mess ever happened.

I had to face reality. I had to face the truth.

And that scares me so much.

For the next five minutes or so we sat in pure, agonizing silence. We didn't know what to say to one another. I decided to be bold. I cleared my throat rather loudly. "Um Edward it is not that I am not grateful to you, but may I ask why you brought me here?" I looked anywhere but his face. I couldn't look at him and get the full image of his hateful and disheartened expression.

"Well Alice saw you getting shot by robbers and we didn't want to have Charlie and Renee going through the grief of losing their precious daughter." He said quietly. I wanted to cry in self-pity. Of course he didn't bring me here so we can mend our relationship. He was only concerned about Renee and Charlie. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to see with my eyes what he was feeling and thinking.

What I saw made my eyes well up with tears.

The man standing in front of me is not Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen is a man who is beautiful, confident, happy, and smart. Edward Cullen's eyes, mmm his eyes are the most beautiful topaz ever. They shine brightly when he is happy. His beautiful auburn hair that sticks up in every direction as if he was near a live wire minutes before. My god, Edward's hair makes my knees go weak. It is so soft and luscious. _I love running my hands thro….. no, no, focus Bella focus. We are not here to discuss his beautiful hair. _

No, the man standing in front of me is only a shell of that wonderful person I used to know. Now, instead of beautiful topaz, Edward's eyes are pitch black. They now show the amount of pain, anger, and jealousy he felt in his non-beating heart. His face, oh his amazing face, once full of life and filled with love was now drawn and sullen. He looked so worn out I desperately wanted to hold him and take his pain away. In the past Edward would always stand proudly by my side as my loving boyfriend. But now Edward's posture was sagged and defeated. If I could I would take his pain and suffering away and add it onto mine.

"W well thank you very much for saving me from danger Edward." I am on the verge of curling up in a ball on the floor and sob as hard as I had earlier this evening. Edward nodded; the atmosphere around him clearly stating that he was uncomfortable around me. We both looked down at the golden carpet simultaneously, both of us not having a clue on what to say to each other. Again, for a couple of minutes we sat in an excruciating silence. What could I say that would make this whole situation better?

Nothing

Nothing I could and would ever say can make this situation better. I had to accept that. Once again tears were threatening to spill out onto my face. _I won't force Edward to help me anymore. I won't be a bother to him. _I hastily stood up and walked toward the door. I wasn't going to allow Edward to see me cry. He had enough to deal with besides me. When I stood right in front of him I said in a said in a despairing whisper, "Thank you very much Edward. I'm really sorry for everything I have done to you. It wasn't fair to you. I just want to say thank you for being an amazing boyfriend to me. I hope someday you can forgive me." At that point the dam broke. Tears were rolling down my face at lightning speeds. I looked up, a part of my heart hoping that I got a reaction out of him.

Edward's face was stone cold. There was absolutely no emotion and worst of all I couldn't see his eyes. I couldn't interpret what he was feeling and thinking. All he did was nod in acknowledgement in my direction. My throat clogged. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't stay in this room any longer. I had to get out of his room, his house.

I dashed out of his room and down the three flights of stairs. _What was I thinking?! That Edward would take me into his arms and kiss me sensibly and say that he wants to try and make us work. What the hell was I thinking?!_ As I ran down the second flight of stairs I caught sight of Rosalie's ferocious glare. I could feel her hatred for me rolling off of her in waves. Emmett was standing right next to her. As I passed them Emmett shook his head disappointedly. The clog in my throat became tighter. I love Emmett. He is the big brother I never had. I finally made my way down the stairs and saw Alice waiting for me right by the door. Once I reached the main level Alice motioned for me to follow her. Her face was void. Like Edward, Alice's face was the doorway to her every emotion, but now I couldn't gather the knowledge to figure out what she is thinking and feeling.

My truck was parked in the Cullen driveway. Alice climbed into the driver's seat of the truck and started the engine. I followed her lead. Alice began to drive toward my house in pure, agonizing silence. I didn't have the guts to start a conversation with her. If I did I would probably start crying again. I don't think Alice, along with the other Cullen members, had anything nice to say to my face.

When we arrived to Charlie's house we both sat there, not saying a word to each other. I sighed sadly before making my way out of the truck. But before my foot touched the ground Alice spoke. "Bella you hurt my brother so much you know that right?" I nodded not denying the truth. "I hate you so much. I thought I could trust you with Edward's heart. I thought that no matter what you would always stick to his side and never leave. But for the first time in 300 odd years I was wrong. You humans are all so selfish. You abandon the people you love for absolutely no reason. But I'm curious Bella, why did you do this? Huh? Why did you do this to him?" She questioned in a pained whisper. I swallowed hard. I don't know what's worst. Rosalie's glare or Alice's questioning. I didn't have an answer to that. I opened my mouth to say something but my vocal cords wouldn't cooperate.

Alice sighed and shook her head. "Forget I ever asked that of you Bella. Just for the record I am never going to forgive you. After this you and I will never be sisters again. I hate you with all of my being Isabella Marie Swan." She said it so quietly it was almost as if she was hiding her rage from me. I looked out into the dark forest. I whirled toward Alice when I heard the door whoosh open. But when I looked at the driver's seat Alice Cullen was gone. Alice had left me.

I continued to stare at vacant seat next to me. Before I turned away from that seat I whispered out into the darkness. "Bye Alice. I'm so sorry. I love you so much my sister. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me." I climbed out the truck and made my way into the darkened house. As I was about to close the door my imagination went wild. As I looked at the forest in front of the house I thought I saw Edward staring at me with an intense expression. I shook my head and looked back. But the thing was no one was there. I sighed and closed the door.

_Goodbye my love. I am so sorry. I hope someday you can forgive me. I hope you know or will someday know that I will forever pray for your love and trust._

_Have a good night Edward._

_I hope you live your life to the fullest without me. _

**I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reviewed. It brings me great happiness to see those reviews, views, favorites, etc. I hope you all enjoy the chapter. I'm going to update probably on Sunday. We'll see if I have the time to do my writing. If I don't have any spare time then I will see you guys with a new chapter next week. **


	6. Chapter 5

My Love

**Chapter 5: Bella's POV**

_I hate you with all of my being Isabella Marie Swan! I hate you!_

That lovely mantra has been replaying over and over in my head ever since I got home. I was so shaken up by her words; she said them with such malice and hate. As Alice looked into my eyes as she spoke, I did not detect any sympathetic emotions for me. I knew she was dead serious with every word, every question that had sputtered out of her mouth. After I had gotten home I wanted to cry for losing the sister that I had never had. She was my best friend and I would miss her company. I loved her as much as I loved Edward. They were such amazing people, who couldn't love them? As much as I had tried to deny it in the beginning, the people I will forever love have lost their love and trust for me. It was over. There would be no going back to the way we were as a whole.

If Edward was to ever forgive me and take me back, Rosalie would despise me even more than she does now, Emmett would forever be disappointed in me, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and Jasper would forever be tense in my presence, never fully trusting me. I will never be able to have my stable, loving relationships with those amazing vampires whom I have grown to love as if they were my own family. At that thought, as I lay in my bed, I felt the need to cry, but no tears would come up to the surface. My eyes could not produce any more tears tonight. I lay in bed in pure, agonizing silence, the only sound in the house were Charlie's loud, irritating snores. As the night flew by my mind drifted over to the pained question Alice had asked earlier today.

_Why did you do this? Huh? Why did you do this to him Bella? _

Her arduous question caused the hole in my chest to grow. She was in so much pain that I could barely breathe to save my life. But that was a very good question though. Why did I do this to him even though I told him I loved him and I wanted to marry him moments before? Why did I do this to _them?_ Did I do this out of love? My breathing escalated to the point of hyperventilation. _Why did you do this to them Bella?! Why don't you have those answers? _I flew into a sitting position, hoping to find the answer, but as I did memories of _our _pasts flashed before my eyes.

_Flashback:_

"_So the lion fell in love with the lamb." He said while taking a step toward me with each word. With each step he took I stepped back. I gasped as my back hit the fallen tree trunk; I was trapped with nowhere to go. I looked up into his topaz irises and felt my eyes widen at the emotion swimming in his eyes. He only held one emotion for me. _

_Love_

_His eyes held so much love for me I felt my knees get weak at the sight. He loved me; he is in love with me as I am with him. My heart thundered within my chest, I couldn't take in any oxygen. His beauty astounded me at times. I looked at him straight in the eyes, "What a stupid lamb." A small smile tugged at my lips, when it comes to expressing our love to each other we were so different. As we stared at each other, Edward smiled a breathtaking smile leaving me breathless. I felt my smile get bigger at his happiness; this is my life now, to make him happy is my duty as his mate. _

"_What a sick masochistic lion." The atmosphere around us changed. My heart pounded within my chest. It knew what was going to happen even though my conscious didn't. He gently grasped my delicate face and simultaneously we both leaned in and met in the middle. This kiss was so sweet and careful, but I loved it. This is how I had always imagined my first kiss; with the man I love and will love for the rest of eternity. _

_Flashback: _

_Edward squeezed me gently. "I'm here."_

_I drew in a deep breath. It was true. Edward was here, with his arms around me. I could face anything as long as that was true. I squared my shoulders and walked forward to meet my fate, with my destiny solidly at my side. _

_Flashback:_

"_Edddward" I whined childishly. I glared at him playfully; I couldn't study for my finals with him kissing me senselessly. "Edward I am trying…." With that said I lost my train of thought. His brought my lips into a passionate kiss, I responding with vigor. Kissing Edward was like a dream, I couldn't get enough of him. _

_I pressed my body against his, loving the feel of his hard lips on mine. This kiss was so different than any of the others we've shared in the past. He wasn't being as cautious as he has been in the past; he has dropped all of his boundaries. A few seconds later I felt the pressure on my lips fade. He pulled away from me all the while wearing his cocky grin. I felt my face twist with happiness. I loved seeing him happy. He embraced me tightly and buried his face in my hair and I returned his hug with my face on his chest. Due to my face being in his shirt my voice was muffled, "I love you Edward."_

_I felt him mouth turn into a smile. "I love you too my Bella."_

_Flashback:_

"_I'm in love with you Bella." Jacob said in a strong, sure voice. "Bella, I love you. And I want you to pick me instead of him. I know you don't feel that way, but I need the truth out there so that you know your options. I wouldn't want a miscommunication to stand in our way." My heart hammered within my chest for some odd reason. I couldn't explain why I was getting so excited with his revelation. I couldn't let this go on though. I love Edward and I will be with him for the rest of eternity. _

"_Jacob." I stared into his dark eyes, hoping he took me seriously. "I love him, Jacob. He's my whole life. I'm sorry, but nothing you can say will take me away from him. Please let me go Jake." He grabbed my chin quite roughly. _

"_You love me too." He reminded me. He held up his hand when I started to protest. "Not in the same way, I know. But he's not your whole life, either. Not anymore. Maybe he was once, but he left. And now he's going to have to deal with the consequence of that choice-me."_

_I shivered at the confidence in his tone. He was dead serious. Suddenly, he got a mischievous glint in his eyes. My eyes widened at this, whenever he got that look in his eyes it meant he was about to do something stupid. Instead of saying anything, like I thought he would he crushed his lips to mine. I gasped in his mouth. For a split second I was crazy, a part of me was actually enjoying this. I attempted to shake my head. I couldn't like this. I couldn't be enjoying Jacob's heated kiss could I? I knew I couldn't fight him; he would overpower me in seconds. I dropped my arms and waited for him to be done. _

_A few moments later I felt finally start pulling away. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was finally over, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that a part of my soul actually liked Jake's kiss. _

_I wasn't in love with Jacob was I? _

_Anger surged within me, how dare he force himself on me? I didn't even think as I clenched my hand into a fist, pulled back and punched him right on the jaw. My eyes began to water at the pain that flowed through my hand. Undoubtedly, my hand was broken. I would probably be condemned in a huge, ugly cast. While I'm jumping around in pain, Jake is just watching me like I've lost a few screws. "Stop bouncing around and let me see your hand Bells." _

_I saw red; my breathing was rough and harsh. "Don't touch me you ignorant dog! I told you no! I'm going home you, don't bother following me." I was seething, ready to beat him to a bloody pulp. Without another word I whirled around and starting walking back to the house to get my things. _

_Flashback:_

_My inner thoughts were cut off when I heard Jacob's astonished voice. "You're marrying him."_

_I stared at him scared. I was so scared of his reaction. My gaze then traveled over to Edward who seemed a bit smug. "You knew he was listening. How could you?"_

"_I'm outta here." Jacob said before leaving. My legs began moving on their own accord. _

_Edward grabbed my arm. "Bella wait. Just let him go." I stared at him aghast. I couldn't believe my ears. _

"_Don't touch me! Just stay here. You've done enough damage." I screamed out seriously. It was true. He had hurt Jacob for no apparent reason. _

_I pulled my arm out of his grip and booked it after Jacob. I wasn't going to let him do something he would regret. I found him standing on the edge of the cliff staring out into space. "Jacob please wait."_

_He looked at me with such hate in his eyes it made me cringe. "I'm done. I am so done Bella."  
_

"_Wait what do you mean?" I said panicked. He could mean anything with his words. What did he mean by that?_

"_I give up. I can't win against your bloodsucker. Why don't I just get out of your way so you can marry that leech?" With every word he spoke I felt my panic and fear increase. I was still incredibly confused. _

"_Why don't I just kill myself to make things more convenient for you?" I then realized what he was saying. I began hyperventilating. I couldn't live without my best friend; my sun who brightened my darkened world when Edward had left._

_I had to do something. I couldn't let him go through with this. "Jacob kiss me." I said desperate. _

_He froze and stared at me with an emotion I couldn't place. His neutral expression turned into a sneer. "You don't mean that?"_

_I screamed out hoping he would see the truth in my words. "No Jacob I want you to kiss me. I want this." And in that moment something happened. Something within my heart ignited into a flame. Jake walked toward me slowly while looking into my eyes. He was making sure I wanted this as much as he did. _

_He reached me and grabbed my face softly. As he leaned in I found myself leaning in with my heart pounding so loudly I think Jake could hear it. I shivered in anticipation. _

_When his lips met mine for the first time I felt my body disconnect with my mind. I was kissing him back. I made sounds that I've never made before. I found myself wanting more. He kissed me with such love and I found myself pressing up against him. I never wanted it to end. _

_Pleasure bloomed from my body when he slipped his tongue in. I was euphoric. This felt so good. As I was kissing him I realized I was wrong. For the longest time I had been lying to myself. I was in love with Jacob Black. _

_After a few minutes in bliss I felt him pull back. Our breaths were hard and fast. I pouted when the kiss ended. I wanted more. He smiled fondly at my response and leaned in for one more. _

_This kiss was sweet and short. It was nothing compared to the heated kiss we shared just moments ago. He leaned into my ear and whispered, "That should have been our first kiss."  
_

_I nodded and leaned into hug him. We shared a smile before he said he had to go fight. I shook my head to protest. He could get hurt. I could lose him. He smiled and kissed me once again before he transformed and left for the clearing. _

_Flashbacks Ended: _

I feel sick.

I am still protecting myself.

I don't trust Edward as much as I used to; even now, months after the Italy incident I still don't trust Edward as much as I should.

I doubt his love for me.

I haven't been confiding in his love for me. I've felt the need to protect myself from the pain and hurt. Before Edward had left me I gave him my entire heart and soul, but once he left all of my confidence and hope was thrown out the window. I put up a defensive wall to protect myself; even after he and I returned from Italy and up until now I still had that damn wall up.

Don't get me wrong, I love Edward, but when he left me I couldn't function. My heart constricted every time the Cullen's were mentioned. It hurt just to breathe; I couldn't continue my life without him. But then Jacob came along and our relationship grew from amazing friendship to love; though our love was a small spark compared to the huge forest fire of passion Edward and I shared. Had I stayed with Jacob, our love could've turned into something more. It could have overpowered my love for Edward had I stayed with him. Jacob is, for lack of better words, a safety net. Deep down within my self-conscious I didn't believe in Edward's words of love; I still believed that he would leave me someday so I continued to go to Jake when I those feelings of insecurity threatened my sanity. But sadly, as I continued to go to Jake I fell in love with him. He is so sweet and loving and the easiest route to take, but it is not enough.

Pain flowed throughout my body. I could finally answer and understand Alice's question without hesitation. The truth and the realization hurt beyond words. I felt my heart constrict with sorrow. I don't trust Edward as much as he trusts and loves me. I have taken him for granted ever since our relationship began; I never treated him as an equal as I should have. Edward wasn't the only one who had to treat me as his equal, but I as well have to treat him as my equal. I should have made my decision a long time ago. I shouldn't have put Edward through any of that ever.

Tears sprung to the surface. I absolutely loathed hurting Edward, but that is what I managed to do for months on end. Even though Edward, after we got home from Italy showered me love and attention I never returned that affection to the max; sure I would say "I love you Edward" or "You complete me Edward" but I never 100% returned those feelings.

_Oh dear god what have I done?_

"I love you Edward. Please no that I love you with all my heart and I hope you know that I will fight for the position as your soul mate. I won't ever take you for granted again. Please give me another chance, I love you Edward!" Tears rolled down my cheeks at alarming rates. I couldn't breathe, the world started to spin because of my lack of breath. As usual I got no answer. No one was going to ever answer me and take me back.

_My life is in shambles and it forever will be. _

**Edward's POV: (When Bella was at the Cullen's house)**

"Um Edward it is not that I am not grateful that you didn't bring me here, but may I ask why you brought me here?" She asked me so hesitantly it broke my heart.

I couldn't look at her; her pain and suffering was quickly adding onto mine. I took in two shaky breaths, even though I had no need to hoping I could tame the hurt that threatened to plaster itself onto my face. I shrugged, hoping to seem contemptuous; I didn't want her to see the war I was going through on the inside. "Well Alice saw you getting shot by robbers and we didn't want Renee and Charlie to go through the grief of losing their only daughter." I choked out on the border line of hysterics.

The atmosphere we sat in was completely tense; the once comfortable silence we could endure was gone. I didn't want to say anything to her; all I wanted to do was break down in her arms and ask her "why" over and over again. Bella was still a beautiful goddess; as hard as I wanted to deny it I still had feelings for her and they would never go away. _Was it me Bella? Did I not fulfill your needs as your boyfriend? Did I fail you, my love? _ God I am so pathetic; men don't cry ever. They're strong human beings who don't cry and wish they could drop down on the floor and cry in the fetal position.

Damn it, I want to cry again.

"W well thank you very much for saving me from danger Edward." She stuttered. I looked at her and that damn emotional wall that I worked so hard to perfect came burning down. The pain, anger, jealousy, etc. flowed its way into my body language and my face. These emotions threatened to put me back in Esme's arms.

_Wasn't I enough for you Bella? WHAT DID I DO WRONG? PLEASE TELL ME! I LOVE YOU BELLA AND I NEED YOU! _

I wanted to ask all of these things but my I couldn't; my throat was clogged too much. I only nodded in her direction, hoping she would take that as a cue to leave. Thank god she did. She dashed out of my room with tears streaming down her face. I wanted to hold her, comfort her but I needed to be alone.

I just wanted to cry again; is that so much to ask. I slowly turned toward the door she just ran out of. "Bella please tell me what I did wrong? I thought we would be together forever. I love you Bella; I hope you have an amazing life my love." I choked out before I lost it once again.

In Esme's arms


	7. Author Note 1

Author's Note:

Hello everyone it's me and I just wanted to apologize for not updating in forever. Please know that I never meant to make it seem that I was giving up on this story, but I have a lot of tough times that I have to get through in school. In school I have gotten homework and projects in all of my classes that I need to focus on right now. School is getting harder and harder and I need to give my undivided attention to it if I want to succeed and go to college.

On that note, even though I am suffocating in studying and homework I promise that I will finish this story. Ever since my last update the time that I have sat down and tried to write the chapter, I just couldn't. Sometimes I would sit for hours at the computer and just stare at my word document. I have and still am having a hard time writing this chapter. So please bear with me. If you can't I completely understand.

Now I know you guys thought this would be an update but I needed you to understand the reason why I can't update. You may not see this as important, but if you were born into my family, then you will know that this is important and that you need to take this seriously.

Believe me I am trying to move this story forward but I am having a very difficult time actually typing the story out. Now under no circumstances am I going to give up on this story. I have grown to love My Love. So please bear with me, I will figure out how to move this story forward.

Once I have updated, I will take down this author's note.

Thank you sincerely for your patients.


	8. Chapter 6

_Previously:_

_"I love you Edward. Please no that I love you with all my heart and I hope you know that I will fight for the position as your soul mate. I won't ever take you for granted again. Please give me another chance, I love you Edward!" Tears rolled down my cheeks at alarming rates. I couldn't breathe, the world started to spin because of my lack of breath. As usual I got no answer. No one was going to ever answer me and take me back. _

"_Well, well, well, look who it is." I froze in my spot, my heart racing a hundred miles an hour. _

"_And she is all alone, excellent." I couldn't move; for the first time in my life I wished I was a vampire._

_I slowly turned around to meet my fate. She stared at me with a feral smile plastered on her face. Her grin grew bigger when she saw me staring back at her terrified. _

"_Hello Bella." _

**Chapter 6: Bella's POV**

_OH dear god Edward! I need you! I'm sorry I am such an awful person, but please save me! _

I am frozen in my spot! I can't seem to move even if I want to.

"Bella, it seems you cause everyone you touch trouble. I personally expected to be dead by now, but having the chance to torture you….." She let out a satisfied moan, as if having me alone without the Cullen's made her day. She looked at me dead in the eyes, "brings me pure bliss." The way she gazed at me; her eyes held a certain emotion in them that I couldn't describe. It honestly scares me, the look in her eyes. It's reminds of a child who is finally getting the special little toy he or she has desired for years.

I closed my eyes and shook my head vigorously. _Come on Bella! Find your confidence or else she is going to kill you! _Way to state the obvious self-conscience. I took in three shaky breaths, "So how's the weather outside Victoria?" I said in a pathetic attempt to distract her from her goals. No such luck, all she did was stared with her eyebrows raised as if I had a few loose screws in the brain, which I most likely did. She smiled sadistically and took a step toward me. Me being Isabella Swan, I don't usually attempt to run from death, no I usually just stand there while death is smirking at me in the face. Before I could blink she was right in front of me. "Ah Bella, it is so nice to see you. The last time I was here your mate had killed James. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I'm very surprised that the bronze man, Edward I believe his name even left you alone with no protection."

I took a hesitant step back; her proximity was making me extremely uncomfortable. I expected her to follow my every movement, but when I moved she just stood there watching me with an evil smile on her face. My heart thundered within my chest, my thoughts were racing, and my muscles were ready to jolt out of the room. Suddenly, Victoria grinned from ear to ear, her eyes sparkled mischievously. I shook harder because I had a feeling that this encounter was about to become so much worse. "Now little Bella, how about we play a game? I will give you 20 seconds to run away from me and then I will catch you. How does that sound? Does that sound like fun?" OH DEAR GOD! This woman is crazy! My breaths came out short and raspy, I couldn't get the necessary amount of oxygen into my lungs.

"Ready, set, GO!"

I didn't hesitate. Before she said the word "Go" I tore out of the room. As I rushed down the stairs, her voice boomed from the once safe haven of my bedroom. "You better run Isabella." Without tripping, I ran toward the door and threw myself into the heavy storm without thinking of the consequences. There was a tense feeling in the atmosphere. It was as if Mother Nature was reacting to what could happen to me if I continued down this path. I booked it into the forest, hoping to find a hiding place, though in the end it would be futile. I would die in the end. I would never be able to gain Edward's or the other Cullen's forgiveness. I had no idea where I was going. The forest was dark. The only time I was able to see where I was heading was when lightning would strike. The forest floor was slippery. My feet slid into the muddy substance. I was watching the ground, trying to make sure I didn't fall.

Tears leaked from my eyes, tidal waves of fear made it hard to breath. My heart pounded within my chest and my lungs worked to their maximum, trying to give my body the oxygen it so desperately craved. Without thinking I screamed out into the distance, "EDWARD PLEASE SAVE ME! I'M SO SORRY. PLEASE HELP ME! THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME I WILL BOTHER YOU JUST PLEASE HELP ME!" Is there a God out there? If there is a place called heaven please Edward save me.

"EDWARD I KNOW I MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE WHEN I KISSED JAKE, BUT I WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU! PLEASE HELP ME! I'M WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO EARN YOUR TRUST AND LOVE BACK! ANYTHING! JUST PLEASE HELP ME!" You know there are many things that I, Isabella Marie Swan am. However, the ability to multitask, to do two things at once was not passed down to me. I cannot talk, or in this case shout and run at the same time. Me being the stupid girl I am closed my eyes for two seconds and SLAM ran right into a tree trunk and fell right on my behind.

My world was spinning as I open my eyes again. I can barely see the environment around me. I latched my fingers onto the bark of the tree and lift myself off the floor. After a couple of minutes or so my dizzy spell releases its hold on my body. A panicked gasp made its way out of my mouth. I don't know how, but I could hear Victoria's faint footsteps. She was probably walking at a snail's pace just to frighten me, to break my spirits. I scrambled to my feet and frantically searched for a spot to hide; a tree, a ditch of some sort, or perhaps the Cullen Mansion. "_Bella you have to keep going. That is what she wants, for you to give up and let her come to you without a fight. Keep going Bella!" _I thought to myself. With the decision made, I continued to race blindly through the black forest. Trees rustled due to the wind, thunder boomed in the sky, and mud became slippery due to the heavy pellets of rain.

"Oh my dearest Bella, won't you come out and play?" I heard her voice through the storm. "I just want to capture you and torture you slowly, to the point where you are on your knees, begging me to live. I want to make you and your sweet Edward pay for what he did to my James. Does that sound fair to you because it sounds extremely fair to me?" Her sickening voice continued to taunt my very soul. Determined, I pumped my legs that much harder, having no idea where I was going or where I was at. The forest stretches for miles. I could be anywhere for crying out loud. My lungs and my legs screamed at me, pleaded with me to seize all movements, to stop, but I couldn't. I can't, not when my life depends on it. _"That is right Bella! You can't stop. You have to keep going. You have to keep going for yourself, for Edward. You still haven't accomplished anything. You need to stay strong Bella!" _I thought anxiously to myself. Naturally, however, my strong willed spirit was short lived and I ended up tripping onto the cold, muddy ground.

Furious with myself, I hastily wiped the grime that had found its way onto my clothes and face. Mud had gotten into my eyes and I dabbed away at them, trying to clear my eyes enough to continue running away from Victoria. Finally, after a couple hundred dabs to my eye, I got my vision returned to me. Lightning crackled around me, lighting up the sky. I hastily got up and looked around at my surroundings. I looked and looked for a weapon, for anything, but I found nothing. The fear inside me increased ten folds. Victoria was probably a tree or so behind me; calculating her every move while watching me with a pernicious smile on her immortal face. Closing my eyes to center myself; I released a shaky breath. My body was crying out. It wanted me to stop and give it some time to relax. My heart pulsated at a rapid pace. My legs were shaking as if they were being shocked. Overall, I was ready to give up. I couldn't go on like this. _Bella do not close your eyes in a time like this. You have a repugnant vampire playing hide-n-seek with you. You need to stay focused. _

I quickly opened my eyes once more and turned to continue running, but when I turned I could not continue my run for survival. Instead I was met with a stone cold feminine body. I ran my hands down the figure, praying this wasn't the sick and twisted vampire who wanted to torture me. I slowly raised my head and was greeted with wild, ruby eyes. I took a hesitant step back with my eyes locked with her. Her angry gaze held me in my place. I couldn't look away from her even if I wanted to.

"Oh my dearest Bella, I was really expecting a challenge of a lifetime from your protective boyfriend. I personally thought my head and my upper and lower extremities to go flying as soon as I even crossed the Swan property line. However, as usual, I wasn't even close to getting it right." Victoria's tone of voice was like a little kid on Christmas day. "I was honestly surprised to see you locked in your bedroom alone with no one surrounding the area, but after hearing what transpired on the mountain top during the fight; I couldn't say I was surprised. I mean why would Edward want to court a lowly human who, in my opinion, can't satisfy his desires for a better life? You petty humans can't seem to grasp the concept of selflessness or the idea of settling down. All of you just seem to go off with another conquest after you are finished with your first."

With every word that flowed out of her mouth a knife struck at my heart. In every plausible way, Victoria was right. I shook at the cold, harsh truth. Once again people told me the hard truth that I was not good enough for Edward and I would never be able to satisfy all of his needs. Even though he is a vampire, Edward is still a man and has and always will have the needs and wants most men have in their lives.

Victoria, clear as day could see the excruciating pain her words caused me and smirked. Suddenly, her rather large frame shook with hysterical laughing. For some unknown reason I felt my eyes swim with unshed tears. I hated when people laughed at my pain. Why did she have to prolong my death like this? Why couldn't she just kill me like she so desperately wanted to? I stepped away at her, while she continued to find my problems humorous. I prayed to god that my steps were silent enough that she wouldn't hear my silent escape.

But me being Isabella Marie Swan means that I have absolutely no luck and things _never_ go my way.

_SNAP!_

_Dammit Bella why can't you watch where you are walking?_

In a blink of an eye, her head snapped up at lightning speed. Victoria's face scrunched up in concentration like she was contemplating how to solve a math problem. Her ruby eyes narrowed and her eyebrows furrowed. I could tell she was surprised I would try and escape what she has in store for me. Time seemed to slow down to a halt. All of a sudden, the howling wind could no longer be heard, the crackling lightning disappeared, and the sounds of the rain falling was gone as Victoria and I stood there, staring each other down. A few tense moments passed between us before Victoria sighed with emotions in her eyes that I could not read. "Isabella enough games. I did not come all the way to Forks, Washington to play meaningless games with you. I came to torture you, to take you away from Edward permanently. I want to hear you scream out in absolute agony as I rip your body into pieces, all while keeping you alive of course. Watching you suffer will be the greatest joy to my 300 years on this Earth." Violent shivers rumbled through my body as I thought, "This is it. I'm going to die right here in this forest. I'm never going to be able to tell Edward, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett how much I love them and what transpired between Jacob and I was a mistake."

Before my brain had any time to process her words, I felt Victoria's icy hand grab onto my neck, effectively cutting off my air supply, and whisked me into a nearby tree. As I made contact, I could hear the tree crack. I felt my head slam against the bark. "I probably have a severe concussion right now," I thought to myself. Had she thrown me a little bit harder, I bet the tree would have collapsed on top of me. Sliding down, my body convulsed with pain, every nerve was like a live wire. The world spun as I lay on the ground with no desire of getting up. I could feel myself slipping into exhaustion. Running away from a vampire and then being thrown into a tree by said vampire will have a tremendous impact on a woman.

Lying on the ground, on the verge of unconsciousness, Victoria stomped towards me. She must have been extremely angry or has to be really happy to make such obnoxious stomps in the mud. In a sing along voice she said, "Oh Bella dear, could you look at me for a moment please?" I stayed as still as possible. I didn't want to aggravate her any further. But, with me being Isabella Marie Swan meant that luck was never on my side. Victoria took my silence as an act of defiance.

Victoria's hand twisted into the roots of my hair, causing me to cry out in tribulation. I could feel a couple pieces of hair rip out my scalp. Tilting my head back, brown eyes met fiery red eyes filled with nothing but hatred and mischievousness. Upon seeing her evil expression; I felt my heart skip a beat and my body shake uncontrollably.

A nocuous grin made its way onto her face as she heard and saw the way my body reacted to her. In response to my fear, Victoria fisted my hair harder causing me to whimper. Victoria chuckled at my pain.

"Does that hurt little Bella?" she asked in a sugar sweet voice. A voice that said, "I am doing nothing wrong." My fragile body shook harder with trepidation. With the amount of force Victoria was exerting, I couldn't move my head. I was trapped where I was, hanging a few feet off the ground by a sadistic vampire who wants to dispose of me.

Even though I couldn't move, I still had the ability to speak. I was able to croak out, "What do you want from me?"

Due to my question, Victoria's she looked at me incredulously and her eyebrows furrowed. Then, her face scrunched up in pure outrage as if her anger doubled because of my "insensitive" question.

With a shriek she said, "What do I want from you? You know exactly what I want from you! _You and your bastard boyfriend killed MY James_!

SMACK!

The force of her slap caused my head to whip to the left. Dropping me, Victoria took a step back from me, breathing heavily though she did not need to. If Victoria was a human, I would bet money on the fact that her face would be blood red and if she was a cartoon character, steam would be making its way out her ears right now. Releasing me, I fell onto the softened soil in a heap. I curled up into myself, hoping the fetal position would take away the intense agony flowing through my veins. I kept my gaze trained on the forest floor, hoping to that she would realize that this was a waste of her precious time.

But like I said before, "Being Isabella Marie Swan means I don't get what I want ever."

A feral roar, something that made my gaze travel to her at lightning speed, echoed through the forest. This roar made the birds who sat in the shelters of their homes in the nearby trees to fly away in fright. The Earth shook because of this scream. I thought I would go deaf from the volume of it.

Screaming out every word she said, "Can you comprehend the pain and suffering I had to go through after your Prince Charming ripped _MY_ mate to shreds and then BURNED him right in front of me." Her last sentence confused me. She wasn't there when the Cullens saved me from James's wrath was she. If so, why did Edward tell me that Victoria ran off before they found me?

As if sensing my mental dilemma, Victoria spat out, "You didn't think I would just flee without my love did you? Did you really think I would betray him like that? Because, unlike you, I actually care about my boyfriend." My breathing hitched when she said that. "Oh yes little Bella, I know the concept of loyalty is quite difficult for you to understand, but yes I would NEVER leave James behind. Did you even think of what destroying James would do to me, to my non beating heart?" her voice cracking as she asked the question. By that point she was yelling.

I had to ask though, "If you were so loyal to James, then why didn't you do anything about it. Why did you watch like a coward and get up and defend you mate?" I really had a death wish didn't I? After my rant, all was silent between us. Victoria had nothing to say to that.

"Stand up you little bitch."

I couldn't respond nor could I move. I remained broken on the ground.

In a calm voice, she told me to stand up once again. I didn't want to. I just wanted to stay curled up on the floor till my death.

"All right" she said in that eerily calm tone of voice. I heard her bend down a bit and then I felt it again. Victoria wrapped her hand around me, however, this time it wasn't in my hair. She wrapped her hand around my neck and hoisted me up in the air like a rag doll. Black spots clouded my vision as she cut my air supply off from my lungs. I saw anger and satisfaction dance in her ruby irises as she watched me struggle for oxygen. I whimpered in pain. If she didn't let me go soon, I was going to suffocate to death. I didn't have that much time left. For the first time I wish the cliff diving or Felix, a Volturi guard killed me. At least it would have been painless. I wouldn't be suffering as much as I am now.

"Honey, do you think I didn't consider defending him?

My only answer to her question was a barely noticeable shake of the head. I don't think my body held the power to do anything else. I can feel my heart racing, trying to get oxygen and blood to rest of my body.

"James told me to run and not look back. He told me that I needed to carry on his legacy without him. And I promised him that I would."

All of a sudden, I was no longer being choked by Victoria. I was suddenly on the ground, coughing and breathing in the oxygen I so craved.

Her grip on my hair tightened causing me to choke back a scream. I want this to be over. I want to die. I don't deserve the chance to live. "I have had enough. I'm done playing around with you. You don't deserve another second of my time you pathetic girl."

I screamed hallelujah in my head. Yes! You see that Bella, she's going to give up, walk back home with her tail between her legs. I felt a smile tug at the corners of my lips, I am free. I'm going to escape this with minor injuries! I guess I was smiling like an idiot because Victoria's famous smirk appeared on her porcelain face. "Bella, Bella, Bella. What a stupid creature you are. You honestly thought I was going to let you go! Hahahahaha!" Her hysterical laughter caused her to drop me. I could feel the earth literally shaking underneath me; her laugh was that powerful. I looked back up at her annoyed, were my facial expressions really that grand to cause such a response.

"You are a silly human. You think after all I did to kill you that I am going to give up so easily? Wow Bella! Ha! You are a real crackup. Oh wait not really. But anyways Bella, what I meant is that I am getting really bored with you. You won't scream or whimper or anything! So I've decided to end your life right now, make you ending as painful as possible. Doesn't that sound like a great way to die? I most certainly think so."

Boy what did she have for breakfast this morning? She's really excited about killing me. A little too excited. I couldn't move, couldn't find the strength to shake my head, nothing. I just lay there, transporting myself to my happy place with Edward. Then, in the blink of an eye, her posture changed. Gone was the excited child on Christmas morning. In the child's place was a tense murderer. Victoria stared into forest and I saw her eyes widen.

Something or someone was coming and I think I know who it is.

**Alice's POV: **

Wrapping his arms around my petite frame, "What is the matter my beautiful Ali?" Jasper questioned in a soothing tone. In that moment, I felt my fears leave me. He never has to use his gift on me. Jasper's very presence will soothe away my insecurities and negative emotions.

I sighed sadly. These past few days have worn me down. First, Bella, my sister is attacked my savage newborns and then she hurts my favorite brother by kissing his mortal enemy.

Thinking about her made my chest tightened. I felt my eyes sting and I wanted to release tears that I will never fall. Feeling my overwhelming emotions, Jasper turned me around to face him. A gentle finger pushed my chin up so then he could see my eyes.

"I hurt Jazzy," is all I have to say before he crushes me to his firm chest. After my confession, all gates are flown open and I cry my heart out. Within two days I lost my sister, my best friend.

As I cry, I know I am being ridiculous and a bit of a hypocrite. We hurt Bella by leaving. Maybe this is just pay back. Maybe Bella wanted to hurt all of us for abandoning her for seven months.

No matter what she did to us, I don't hate her. I still love her. With that thought, I dry sobbed harder. It pained me to know that I have destroyed our relationship, our sisterhood.

"Ssshh my sweet love. I know you are hurt by what Bella did and you want to take back what you said to her. It's okay sweetheart."

My Jazzy was always loving, comforting, and protecting me. He knows me better than anyone else in this family.

After crying for what seems like hours, I finally calm down with the help of my soul mate. When I look around, I notice that we are sitting on the floor in the living room, with the whole family watching us wearily.

Esme came over and placed her hand on my back. "Are you alright my sweet daughter?" I shook my head. I wasn't okay. I wanted to hear her out. I wanted to know why she did what she did and possibly someday, we can rebuild our relationship in time.

Then, everyone was gone. I was suddenly teleported to a mysterious room.

_Vision:_

"_You are the most selfish bitch on the planet!" I rapidly turned to find the voice. _

_But I wish I hadn't._

_Bella was chained up on a chair and I knew these chains .Those types of chains wrapped tighter around the victim's skin if he or she made the slightest movement and I could tell that Bella didn't know that because the chain around her neck was bleeding profusely. Her hair was a bird's nest. Her blouse was covered with blood, HER blood to be specific. And her jeans were ripped in multiple places. _

_Blood ran down her face from the head and when she looked up at me, I gasped. _

_Bella's face was black and blue. It was covered in bruises and her eyes were almost swollen shut. Her lip was split. _

_And worst of all, Victoria along with a man stood in front of her. _

_They were WHIPPING her with a chain. _

_Oh my god. _

_I couldn't do anything but watch as Victoria whipped her while yelling profanities at her. I just had to watch as Bella whimpered and as her eyes pleaded for someone to help her. _

_I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs, "Please stop hurting her!"_

_End of Vision_

My eyes opened. I was shaking and I found myself sobbing hysterically. I looked over at Edward and he was shaking too. Though he was upset with her, I always knew he still loved her.

My voice was nothing but a whisper, "We have to save her Edward."

He could only whisper to, "I know."

"Now wait just a minute." Rose interjected. "Save who? It better not be that Swan girl. Because I'm done with her!"

I felt angry with her hurtful words. "I don't give a damn what you think Rosalie. Just because she hurt us doesn't mean we should turn our backs on her. Instead of saying we hated her and that she's not a part of our family anymore, we should have let her explain herself! And that is what I'm going to do."

"I am still mad at her, but I'm going to start to rebuild my relationship with her. It may take a long time, but I am going to do it."

Rose tried to intervene, "But…"

"Would you all just shut up?" Edward screamed. "Look I know we are all mad at her. But, I will not let her be killed by Victoria. I will not! Rosalie, if you do not then that is fine. If you do come, then put your anger aside and help her!"

Everyone nodded.

"Let's get this show on the road guys." Carlisle ordered.

With those orders, we all took off into the forest.

_I'm coming Bella! Hold on for us!_

**Bella POV: **

"Dammit to hell." Victoria cursed before she turned back to me. "Well Ms. Bella, it seems like we are going to have to take this party somewhere more private."

I saw her look around in concentration and then she nodded. The last thing I remember was feeling a whack to the back of my head before I lost consciousness.

_Edward, please save me. I love you._


	9. Author's Note 2

Hello all of my readers. With a heavy heart I have something to say. I am having a very hard time writing my story My Love. My story doesn't seem to flow at all. Nothing makes sense. When I read it, chapter 6 should come later in the story or shouldn't be there at all. I just don't think this story is very good at all. I need to look at the entire story and organize what I want, where I want the story to go. I will not be long, but I need revaluate My Love. I hope you all as my readers understand. Like all writers, I want this story to be a complete success for both you and I and I just don't think this is a good story.

Please know that this was a very hard decision for me. I don't want to have to leave you hanging for a long time, but like I said already, I want this to be a success. This is my first fanfiction and I want to someday end this story and say, "I did the best I could and there is nothing more that I can do."

I promise that I will be back, but I need to focus on all of my online courses, vacations with my family, and the success of this story.

Thank you and I understand if you don't want to wait that long for me to get my act together. If you can that is excellent. However, if you can't, I understand as well.


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